Four further reasons not to own a Land Rover

Owning a Land Rover can lead to rather weird behavioural habits. Here’re four that you’ll need to understand before signing your life away to the green oval. 

We’ve already given you six reasons not to own a Land Rover, plus six more reasons where Land Rover ownership may take over your life. Well, after spending more time with Land Rover owners across the country – we’ve discovered EVEN MORE reasons not to own a Land Rover. Read on….

You’ll become a TV spotter

It’s inevitable. You’ll soon revel in the same excitement reserved for children at Christmas upon catching sight of a character on the telly driving a Land Rover. This soon changes into actions destined to drive your family mad, as you pause tense climatic film endings to rewind five seconds and point out the roofline of a Series IIA 109in. Pick your burial spot in the garden; you may need it.

Example: Did you spot the Series IIA in Sylvester Stallone's 'Cobra'? Bet most of you did... 

Look everyone! There's a Series IIA in the corner!

Look everyone! There's a Series IIA in the corner!

eBay will rule your life

Land Rovers enjoy going wrong at the most frustrating moment, forcing you to spend increasing amounts of time looking for replacement parts on the cheap – which means eBay will become your first port of call. Of course, it won’t stop at engine parts. You will spend days setting a budget and venturing off into LaLa land for some Land Rover shopping. And this could be dangerous, you’ll be so distracted that you might fail to notice the house fire going on around you after your daughters try to cook dinner for fear of starving, as you have accidentally spent 18 solid hours trying to find a Discovery 300Tdi for under £800.

You’ll Need To Wave

Have you not read the unwritten rules? Should you see another Land Rover driver on the road it is customary to show your support by waving and wishing them one of four things:

  • All the best on your journey!
  • Congratulations on your stylish choice of vehicle!
  • If that’s a V8 I hope you have a fire extinguisher!
  • Help – I’ve been kidnapped and require urgent assistance!

To many, this wave appears to pay homage to a particular hand signal used by Adolf Hitler – and can startle other motorists within the vicinity. However, once they have witnessed this action a few times they can hopefully stop panicking and return all those axes to Homebase.

However, should you forget to wave then the Land Rover curse will bite. Bear that in mind when crying over a snapped half shaft, warped cylinder head or Hyundai courtesy car.

You’ll fall out of touch with modern life

Life today is all about technology, doing things as fast as possible and therefore driving like you are an enormous doorhandle. Stuck at 15mph under the speed limit at all times, you’ll give up trying to match modern speeds on fast roads with a Land Rover – rather sticking to your own pace, regardless of the wildly flailing traffic behind you. After all, the road is always clear in front of a Landy.

You also won’t be able to hear the radio, meaning that pop songs, celebrity news and Chris Evan’s opinionated rantings will go unnoticed. Although, we aren’t sure that last point would be a bad thing.

You’ll probably miss out on breaking news. Natural disasters, shocking deaths, vicious murders, violent robberies – but then upon leaving Liverpool you’ll also have real-world news, too. If you don’t have a radio, should your chosen Land Rover chariot be a V8 or a 2.25 petrol, you’ll probably not want one either.

You’ll be more than happy, grinning behind the wheel, ignoring contemporary civilisation and emissions regulations like a boss. No other vehicle can take the world's troubles away quite like a Land Rover.