Earlier this year, we gave you six reasons to think twice about Land Rover ownership. However, there are six other attributes to heed before plunging into custody of a Land Rover- are you cut out for the responsibility of owning the finest vehicle ever constructed? It takes serious talent, honestly…
1. All other cars will seem inferior.
Jumping into Land Rover ownership will undoubtedly spoil you for the foreseeable future. With that exceptional driving position and sense of exhilaration even at low speeds, no other car comes close for multi-purpose gratification.
Sure, a family saloon will probably be healthier on the luxury front and, yes, a sportscar will be faster - but these are all one trick ponies. We would love to see a supermini drive to Ireland, climb a mountain range and then carry you home at 55mph like a Land Rover can, or a supercar lug copious amounts of equipment through a peat bog and still have you home in time for tea.
A Land Rover may not be a speed machine with comfort at its forefront, but it will undertake any task you slew its direction while ensuring you and your passengers remain safe in all weathers. With all the qualities a Land Rover offers, stepping down into anything else will leave you deflated - and probably quite vexed at the humdrum, bog-standard, one-dimension ability of other cars.
2. Your house will never be the same again.
From Land Rover magazines and head gaskets in the kitchen, to manuals in the bedroom and gearboxes in the bath - your house will become a stockpile of parts and quantities the likes of which may start your partner on valium. The situation for your other-half won’t get any easier as parts deliveries will stack up in the hallway and tea-towels, alongside other equipment from the kitchen, disappear into the Land Rover never to return.
The garden won’t be spared either; a refuge for wheels, tyres and everything deemed too grimy to enter the household, while any additional space is likely to become your own personal shrine for all the components you have damaged but see no reason to chuck away.
If you are lucky enough to have a shed or garage, your house will be safe - at least for a while. As the urge to customise your Land Rover takes hold, it will only get worse - and the Land Rover goodness will soon spread into the house.
3. Your relationship with fuel will change.
Alright, so fuel consumption isn’t exactly the Land Rovers strong point but it’s not exactly a fuelaholic either. You can get 22mpg out of a Series Land Rover without trying very hard - but one habit you will start is timing your tank consumption over any long journey. You will start to sweat after the fuel gauge dips below a quarter of a tank - as at motorway speeds you’ll have about 20 minutes until that dreaded fuel warning light comes on.
This can be the start of a new and dangerous game of ‘lets see if I can make it to the next petrol station’. There will also be days where the sun will shine on your driveway and it will become evident that you have more oil on your premises than BP do in their Mexican fuel wells.
4. You will be too cool for your own good.
The look of the Land Rover is perfect in almost every way and owners of lesser, feeble vehicles will resent you for it. People may stop talking to you as members of the opposite sex clog the street to catch a glimpse of you and your vehicle, neighbours might send notes of disgruntlement upon noticing you have increased your home’s resale value with your tasteful driveway or friends could scoff when witnessing your radical new hairstyle from the interior condensation.
When bad weather swarms in, they may even try to kill you in an envious rage when their car simply can’t cut it in the cool department or get them to their destination without getting stuck. This could lead to a considerable amount being spent on self-defence.
5. It will become part of the family.
Owning a Land Rover is very much like owning a pet - it quickly becomes part of the family. As soon as your family give it a name - and it’s inevitable, they will - the Land Rover will burrow itself in and take over your life. This can cause issue, where you’ll refuse to part with it despite bad behaviour, buy it a larger Christmas present than you would a person and end up unpopular for favouring it over other family members. Then, if you ever do flog it, your family will never speak to you again for such villainous treachery.
6. You will become everyone’s handyman.
Due to the Land Rover’s functionality and practicality, you will find yourself called upon by nearly everyone you know at some point or another to carry something, pick something up or help out in adverse conditions. This could be as simple as collecting an elderly neighbour for some shopping in the snow, pulling an over-ambitious driver from a ditch or running a trip to Ikea to save a mate renting a van, but it could also be to help bury a body in the woods or ram raid a bank - which could lead to swift imprisonment - so you’ll need to watch yourself.
Convinced? No? We’ve plenty more reasons where these came from…
However, if you are still stuck in your ways, we have plenty of Land Rovers for sale to choose from.